I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
