Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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