one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
