Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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