Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
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