I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
This beer is not sobering me up at all
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
