we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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