who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
