Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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