He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
