Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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