i love accidental penises.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
