I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
