it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
