I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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