....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Randomize
