I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
