I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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