yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
