when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
