it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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