i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize