Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
