It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
