3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
