I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Randomize
