i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
