You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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