I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
