I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
