Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
