I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
