Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
