I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
