Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
