Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
