just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Your penis caused this!
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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