neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
