please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
