Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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