from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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