it was like his penis was on wheels.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
