if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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