Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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