I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
