My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
