I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
