best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
