I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
