i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
