FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
