bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I need to calm my uterus...
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
