If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
