Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
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