Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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