He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
