Screwed.edu
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
