Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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