How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
