he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
