chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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