i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
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While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
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apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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