I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
