I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
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