she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I didn't shave. On purpose
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Your cock deserves a montage
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
