I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Randomize
