i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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