looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
