tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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